Letting a Dream Die: Measuring Success in God's Economy

A version of this article was originally published on Mockingbird.

I stared at the boxes lining the walls of my garage, stacked up to the ceiling. They had been gathering cobwebs for months. Almost a year earlier, I had stashed all of the unsold CampKit boxes in a storage unit, but a few remained stacked in my garage, a daily reminder of what a wonderful dream it was—and how I had failed.

We packed nearly 500 boxes during our launch week!

I started CampKit in April 2020. It began as a literal dream I had one night, and I woke excitedly to scribble it down. I called my friend Jordan to partner with me, and in less than six weeks, we developed an idea, started an LLC, and pulled together an entire product from design to content to materials. It was exhilarating and exciting to bring an idea to life and see it all come together so quickly. We got off to a strong start, watching the pre-orders pile up in our inbox, and feeling hopeful about selling out completely. We shipped out dozens of boxes on launch day and continued to ship out boxes throughout the summer.

But neither of us had really thought past the pandemic. We created CampKit in response to a need: Kids were unable to go to camp, so we would send camp home to them. What would happen when life returned to normal and kids started going back to camps?

Jordan and I played around with several product ideas, eventually launching a Thanksgiving-themed box in November, hoping to see if there was market interest in continued products that offered camp-at-home experiences. A handful sold, but we needed to figure out a long-term plan to keep the business viable.

In 2021, we held Zoom calls and created slide decks and assembled a steering committee to help us come up with some ideas. We did our best to keep the vision alive and create another amazing camp-at-home experience for kids, but our busier, pre-pandemic lives were calling, and our ideas weren’t gaining any momentum.

We were also dealing with a huge oversupply of inventory: we significantly overshot on our first run and assembled nearly double the number of boxes we sold.

For months, I wrestled with what to do. I needed a new approach, but honestly I was tired. In a last ditch attempt, I set up a booth at a homeschool expo in Atlanta, hoping to garner some interest. We sold a handful of boxes, but it did not prove to be a viable long-term option.

The evening after the expo, I went on a date. It was my second date with Josiah (who I am still dating, to my delight!). Unexpectedly, I began pouring out my heart about CampKit. I expressed my pride in and love for what we had created, and I shared my fear that it was all a waste. I felt like it had failed—like I had failed.

I felt as if I hadn’t done enough or tried hard enough to make it succeed. Had I fully committed to making CampKit thrive? Maybe if I had invested more in social media or online marketing or…? Maybe if I had quit my job to work on it full time…?

Making trips to the post office to drop off orders always felt like an adventure.

Walking with me as I talked, Josiah listened carefully to my woes. He asked questions, then let me talk. Finally, he asked me something that stumped me: “What if only one kid got to hear the Gospel because of CampKit? Would it be worth it?”

I stared at the ground as we walked. I wasn’t sure if I could honestly answer yes. I wanted to do something big and important. I wanted CampKit to be remembered by many. Would it be enough if just one kid heard the Gospel?

I spent the rest of the night – and the rest of last year – pondering that question. Would it all have been worth it for just one kid to experience the Gospel?

Standing there in my garage, looking at the stacks of boxes filled with my dream, I came back to that question. The boxes presented a daily reminder of a dying dream.

Suddenly I felt a compulsion to move all of the extra CampKit supplies from my garage to the storage unit. Perhaps it would feel cathartic – a release from the shame of failure.

In the countless times I’d visited the storage unit over the past year, I had never seen another person there. But as I began unloading, a car pulled up. A woman walked over to the door where I was unloading, then right up to the unit directly below mine.

“I guess we’re neighbors!” I said.

She looked at the scattered boxes and supplies. “I’m sorry if I’m in your way!” she said “I’ve just gotta put this one thing away.”

“Not at all!” I said. “Take your time.”

After closing up her unit, she looked around curiously and asked, “So what is all of this?”

“These are CampKits!” I replied. “It’s everything you need for a summer camp at home in a box. There’s Bible lessons, games, crafts, and all kinds of fun stuff inside.”

Her face lit up. “My son is 9, and he would love all of that. I work a lot, and his sister just got a job, so he’s often home alone with his grandma and is always looking for fun things to do.” 

“So,” she asked, “how do I get one?”

I paused just long enough to feel the Holy Spirit nudge me. 

“Honestly, you can just have one!” I climbed into my storage unit and grabbed a box from the stack. 

She was thrilled. “My son is going to have so much fun with this!” she said.

If only one kid hears the Gospel…

As I kept packing up my storage unit, I reflected on that question again, and I remembered that Josiah had asked me another question: “What if the one kid who got to hear the Gospel was you? What if the whole experience of creating CampKit and watching it grow and die was about you experiencing the Gospel in a new way?”

I desperately wanted CampKit to succeed. God knew I needed CampKit to fail.

By the world’s standards, I had failed. My business didn’t grow. I lost money. It launched with a bang, and ended with a whimper. It left me with only a pile of useless inventory.

But my experience with CampKit redeemed my perspective on what success looks like in the Kingdom. It’s not measured by how many boxes were sold or how much revenue was generated or even how inventive or creative my ideas were. Success in the Kingdom is about simply being faithful to sow seeds, trusting God will make them grow.

I packed up the dream into a storage unit.